Re: Midnight Seduction

Sonya Lano | 02/11/2011

My favorite lines:
- Would I ever learn or was I doomed to be a stupid man for all eternity?
- After all, I very much doubt that rabbits grow up believing in the internal combustion engine, but that doesn't stop them getting flattened when a car hit them.

Errors / typos:
- when a car hit the - I think it should be "hits"
- the clocks stike the witching hour - should be strike

Comments: It seems like you didn't put much thought into this because the storyline is pretty cliche without any exciting twist like you usually have. I think I would have liked it better if the ending had read something like: "Sorry, lady," I shrugged apologetically and pulled back. "You're not getting any blood from me."
And I smiled, revealing incisors twice as long as hers.

I know it doesn't really suit because he wouldn't have been nervous walking through the cemetary (only maybe impatient so he could get her back to his place), but do you know what I mean?

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