Re: The Demon Chimp of Prague, or, Pan Troglodyte Diablo

Sonya Lano | 13/12/2012

I really love the irony and the element of the absurd to this story! The writing style was engaging and the voice was great! I know it requires a definite suspension of disbelief on the part of the reader, but in spite of that there were still a few parts that took me out of the story, so I figured I'd mention them in case you wanted to fix 'em:

"I later found out that Brian's previous Organ Grinder would come home drunk at night and expose himself to Brian in the pantry" - How did you find that out?

- Why didn't you use the plutonium device yourself to clean out the machines? Seems the more intelligent thing to do, since you'd get a lot more money winning the lottery yourself than selling the device's use to others. And it's not as if by loaning it out you're keeping your identity secret because they know you anyway after a while.

"one of the delivery men dressed as Laurel & Hardy came up behind me and hit me over the head with a frying pan" - how do you know it's him if he came up behind you?

"they reached to the sky as if waiting to receive manna from Hell" - generally if you're reaching for the heavens you're supplicating the heavens for something, not hell, so this read wrong to me. Maybe have him swinging his arms up from below as if he's calling demons to rise from the ground or something

"fashioned out of goat cartilage" - How can he tell it's goat cartilage as opposed to cartilage from humans or any other species?

All in all it's an intriguing tale with a certainly unexpected ending! I think my favorite part was the scuba divers nonchalant speech about "They're plotting a day when the sun burns black and the dead will rise as their slaves, the gutters will run full with the blood of the heretics, and your brother will ride across the skies in a chariot drawn by ravens, and everybody will kneel..."

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