Eulogy

Anneke Ryan | 09/05/2013

OK, OK. Sorry it's late. Anthropomorphism isn't really my thing. Anyway WARNING: If you are sensitive to bad language don't read this story. If you are under eighteen years of age go, RIGHT NOW, and get your parent or otherwise legally approved guardian and get them to review this story and decide whether or not they think it's appropriate reading material for your age. Otherwise, enjoy the ride.


- You know the first time I saw Tilly Macgregor she was face down in a pool of water.
- Wollondilly Beach?
- Yep. Wollondilly Beach. Summer of ’83.
- Record swell that year.
- Yep. Breakers up to ten metres. Like fucking Hawaii only colder.
- Always was a fucking mad place.
- Hawaii?
- Na. Inside of Tilly’s head. How many boards’ she done in, ya reckon?
- Six or seven...
- A year.
- Yep. Since ’83, anyway. Almost did her head in too that year. Blood all over the rocks.
- Bloody miracle it’s taken this long.
- Yep.
- You think we should tell someone?
- Probably. Needs scraping off the rocks before kids see it.
- Yep.
- Good warning though. Sign of how often enthusiasm’s inversely proportional to talent.
- In-what? You know you shouldn’t say stuff like that. People almost forget you went off to like lah-di-dah university and you go and say stuff like that.
- Don’t need a university education to know you shouldn’t surf a twelve metre off the bloody Roaring Forties unless you’re bloody suicidal.
- Yeah. Suicidal.
- Sorry. Shouldn’t have said that. Not appropriate, given the circumstances.
- Yeah. Not appropriate. Bracing though?
- Bracing?
- Facing your own mortality. Fucking hounding boggas. Breathing in the spray up to the crest. Like fucking meditation.
- You’re as much a lunatic as Tilly is... was. You know that, don’t you?
- What a way to go, but.
- Drowning under a burning fucking house?
- Sacrificing yourself to the surf gods... D’ you see that?
- What?
- Tha...
- I don’t see... fu... Tilly?
- Gnnnh.... ughmph... gnnn...
- Tilly?
- Gnnh... mnggg... gnnnhh... suckergnnhs... Where’s me spl... gnnh... board?
- Other end of the beach in about a million pieces. You mad fucking feline. Seriously thought you were fucked for good this time.
- Gnnh... yeah... noticed. Nice fucking eulogy gnh. Specially liked the bit about all me talent.
- Talk about nine effing lives. Haven’t you used all of ‘em?
- Don’t believe in limits, pussies. And I’m not fuckin’ dead yet.

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