Last Minute Nerves

Damien | 21/07/2011

She'd known once it was proposed that this was a bad idea, but it was too late to pull out now. For the last few weeks there had been multiple chances and opportunities to change her mind, to tell everyone that it was all a mistake, that she didn't want to do this after all.

That was then, however, and this was now. In ten minutes she would reach the ultimate point of no return. Technically there was still time to change her mind, but in reality she knew that she had allowed things to go much too far to walk away now.

What would it do to poor Matt if she suddenly said she didn't want to do it after all? She knew he had been dreaming of a day like this since he was just a young child. He was her best friend, had been for years and years. She couldn't abandon him now, not like this, not when he was so close to finally getting what he had wanted, needed, for so many years.

And it wasn't just Matt. There was his family, who were practically an extension of her own family after all this time. And his friends, mostly people that she had known almost as long as Matt had, would never forgive her.

She supposed that she was probably suffering from the same bout of nerves that everyone who had ever been in her position had fought before her. The same doubts and fears that each and every person around the world who had ever been in the position in which she now found herself in had battled and conquered.

She was scared, no, not scared. Terrified. There were too many 'what if's' about this whole thing. Too many permutations, things that could go wrong. If not immediately, then in a year, or five, or ten.

There were no guarantees, and she was practical enough to accept that. Usually anyway. But this was too big, too important, for her to be happy with no guarantees.

She wanted, needed, someone to come in and tell her that she wasn't making a mistake, that she was doing this for the right reasons, and not just, as it felt at that moment, because she was too afraid of the consequences to back out and run away before it was too late.

The door to the room opened at that moment, and she looked around to see the newcomers as they filed inside. Six of them, all dressed in blue, all with reassuring smiles on their faces.

They looked so calm, so sure. Why wasn't she feeling as calm as they appeared to be? It didn't make sense. This whole thing had been her idea after all, and now she could feel the floodgates ready to open, to let out all of the emotion she was feeling.

She couldn't do this. She couldn't go through with this charade any longer. It was time to just admit it to herself and everyone else and consequences be damned. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, willing herself to find the strength to tell them of her decision.

It was time to go home. Surely Matt would understand once he had calmed down a little. And they could always come back another day if she got over her feelings of doubt. Yes, the decision had been made. Now she just had to tell them. She opened her mouth to speak, but the figure nearest to her beat her to it.

"How are you feeling today Sarah?", asked the woman kindly. "Are you ready to do this?"

Sarah took one more deep breath. This was it, the point of no return. It was time to back out now before it was too late. She opened her mouth again to inform them of her decision, and the voice that came out took her by surprise.

Not the voice, exactly. It was more the words. The voice, she knew, was her own. The words, however, were not. At least, not the ones she had been sure she was going to say.

"Let's do this," said Sarah. "Matt needs this kidney, and I still have a spare."

The doctor nodded, and the orderlies silently took up position at the side of the bed to begin wheeling it into the Operating Room next door....

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